Client bashing

I just love the client bashing they do, them hairdressers.

They are just naturally good at it : make you feel that you desperately need their skills, their divine benevolence, their magic hands. That your hair is a mess, a disaster, a no-man’s land.

« You did that by yourself ? Your colour… It’s not unite… It’s… (stuttering) it’s like… spots ! »

No, actually I paid more than 100 euros for that (which are called «  mèches » in my delusional world) and thought – until now, at least – that it was quite a good job.

« But it was a very long time ago, isn’it it ? »

Well, again, no, sorry. It was like 2 months ago. Not the Stone Age, yet.

« You will want a mask, won’t you ? (Mouthing : As your hair looks like shit) »

Oh yes, please, help yourself. Mask, essential oil massage, hairdrying to the candle, laser haircutting… Whatever you like, please. And make me see the light : how I enter thinking I will pay some 30 some euros, and happily exit with a 100 some or more euros bill. Please, please : teach me how to be smart in the future.

               « You will want some of our products to take home, won’t you ? (Mouthing : As above) »

Now, really, to be honest : that would be my pleasure. But I still have quite a lot of outdated products I already bought (you may not believe it, but I’m quite a following person, really). Hence, I fear I will have to decline for now. Nevertheless, I will certainly come back in 10 years or so, when I manage to finish them all.

               « But we do products organophobicosmartass, that feel the hair’s emotional state, console it when it is sad, laugh with it when it is joyful, run with naked it in the maze fields in the sunny summer days. When you use our products, you really feel a moment of confort, happiness and coolenessness – …even for you ».

I don’t doubt this for a second, each hair of mine unquestionably needs psychotherapy. Nevertherless, again, I fear I’ll have to decline. Even if I didn’t already have hundreds of useless products, every bottle of yours costs about 2 times the amount I usually put in a good steak, or a good bottle of rhum. My moral beliefs just don’t allow me such sort of monetary extravagance.

               « Well well wel, see you soon ! »

              « (Mouthing : No surprise, that your hair looks like shit) »